Into the woods

Fast forward to our time in the Angeles National Forest...

At first we set up camp by the side of a winding road with houses on one side and terrain on the other.  I'll never forget the first morning there... I woke up to find the most beautiful bouquet of flowers you had picked that morning.  First flowers I'd ever gotten from a guy.  They meant more than you could imagine. :)  Remember the look on the cop's face when you told him there used to be a spider in that mason jar??  And the random drunk ass teenagers who parked a few feet away and probably thought we were serial killers? XD

I remember when we found our perfect campsite.  It was quiet and peaceful.  I felt so free!  I'll admit I was terrified of the bugs and potential snakes. :)  But your presence made me feel totally secure.  Putting up those tents was SUCH a pain in the ass!  

But what happened inside them was so magical…that was my first time with you, remember?  I didn't know what was going to happen because I had no idea if you were even attracted to me.  So I got cozy in the sleeping bag and rolled over facing away from you.  As soon as I rolled over you said "OH OK, I get it." lol and I immediately rolled back to you and said "No no no that's not what I was trying to get across!!" and we lay there for a while.  I don't remember how it started, but I definitely remember how much joy I had in your arms.  Every time was intense and powerful and I knew it was meant to be.  I'll never forget this particular moment after one mind-blowing time together:  you held me and said quietly "I think I love you."  Darling, I came alive.  If I could pick one moment to define when I knew for sure that I was in hopelessly and forever love with you, it was the moment you said those words.  

From then on I was in a dream world.  Even though at times we had no money and no cigarettes except for the ones we rolled with Lake's leftover tobacco, I felt like I owned the world.  I was so perfectly happy and I loved you so deeply.  You took my body and mind to places I couldn't have even imagined.  I loved waking up with the sunrise and doing nearly-naked yoga on the table while you smiled up at me.  So much to remember… messing around on the table and then I freaked out when Lake drove up and I realized I had no pants on.   Passing out in your arms again and again, waking up in a mindless heaven.  I began to learn about the fine line between pleasure and pain, and how to embrace both sides.  I had never orgasmed with a man until I was with you.  You seemed to instinctively know how to drive my body wild.  

My senses were so alive…I never wanted this to end.  We watched Supertroopers a million times, but I never remembered any of it because I was always lying across you, so high...lost in all-consuming pleasure.

Remember climbing that mountain with Lake?  (I swear I never would have done that if you hadn't promised me a cigarette at the top!!)

Oh and, BLUE ONE.  ;)

<3

Beach beginnings

When we first met, I knew almost nothing about you.  You were tall and handsome and you made me laugh, but I had no idea you cared anything about me.  (I was later shocked when you told me that you had a crush on me at first sight. :))  I was a runaway, trying to be free and happy and desperately wanting to be loved.  You had a careless attitude and love seemed like the furthest thing from your mind.  We started off doing random things like going to see lots of movies, eating LOTS of chinese food and in-n-out and smoking an obscene amount of reefer.  You did so many little things for me, like opening doors and sharing cigarettes with me when we were running out, as well as big things like staying awake at night to make sure I was safe while I slept with my head in your lap in the subaru.  Then there was our trip to Huntington Beach to play around at the US Open...        

I remember walking together down the beach with our arms around each other, and you thought I didn't like you holding me like that.  You were so wrong. :) That was one of the first times I realized how much I liked you.  You were protective and I loved it.  I knew nobody could mess with me when you were around.  Remember pushing me on the swings at the playground right after smoking those mind-blowing Trainwreck joints??  Remember when I was craving a shower and you stood there patiently waiting while I washed my hair under those shower things that people use to rinse the sand off?  After I finished you rolled your eyes and told me I was ridiculous and beautiful.  

I wish you could have seen my heart every time you told me I was beautiful.  I bet it looked like a glowing ball of fire with sparks bursting out, making my entire body glow with love and excitement.

And I think this is about the time when you introduced me to "sex in a cup", best Starbucks drink in the entire world.

I'm pretty sure you would call me silly and immature for writing all this down, but you know what?  I don't give a fuck. :)  All this little shit means a lot to me.



  

My quiet place

This is my little quiet place where I can relive the beautiful memories of my relationship with the first and only love of my life.  I would much rather be sharing these memories with him, but we don't exist now and I need to release these memories from my everyday life and thoughts, but I don't want them to disappear completely.  So I will write down everything I can remember and come back to read it when I feel that I'm ready.

Treasure every moment with loved ones.  You never know when they might decide to walk away and leave you alone to pick up the shattered pieces of your heart.